The moment he saw her he burst into tears. I had met her at the door and explained why we had to call. He was out of control. Kicking, screaming, hitting, destroying things around him. Then he would just shut down and become unresponsive. This little 5 year old soul was in turmoil. We had to bring in Mom.
Immediately, I recognized the familiar exhaustion around the eyes. The single Moms in the city carry this exhaustion differently. The ones who live alone with out the Lord appear worn, defeated, or even hardened. It is their job to take care of their children and they are doing it by themselves. Living without a spiritual and earthly husband their strength is spent.
This Mom had built many walls of protection over the years. “You didn’t baby him did you?” was her first question. “We have a certain procedure we follow in discipline,” was what I was saying out loud but in my heart I was thinking, “He’s 5.” “What have you done now?” were the first words she expressed as she saw him. “Boys don’t cry. Stop crying,” followed soon behind. She needed him to be strong. He had to carry his own load, for she just didn’t have the energy. There were too many other burdens for her to bear. Other siblings, bills, food on the table these are all the worries that crossed this young Mom’s brow.
Moments such as these are the ones where it is easy to judge. I am not talking about following through on consequences to this young man’s actions. He had hurt others in the classroom and he needed to go home. However, as you witness certain patterns in children of the city we can judge. We observe things that hurt our hearts. There are children who horde food in the same fashion as orphans. Clothes can be dirty or clean and overly worn. Then there is the anger. So much anger in so many so young. It is all the fault of the Mom who can’t do it all and the Dad who probably is no where to be found right? Then when you meet Mom it can be even more clear. They can appear hard, lost and out of control.
However, the truth is that none of us are meant to do anything alone. We are meant to let God do it through us. Zechariah proclaims, “Not by might, not by power, but by my spirit says the Lord!” When we try to walk away and walk out of this reality we crumble.
The Lord set it up that we are meant to have an earthly partner with which we are “one flesh” with to raise our children. It is so important to Him that he proclaimed it in the Old Testament (Genesis), Christ himself said these words when he was alive, and then Paul wrote it to the Ephesians after Christ’s death. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
My husband has been away this week and I have not been able to keep it together. My house looks like a bomb went off. Laundry has piled up, I forgot to get the garbage out on garbage day. We have squeaked into school barley on time every day. I am not even sure if my children’s socks match. I declared to him this morning, “When you are away I feel so inept.” He quipped back, “When we are apart we aren’t supposed to feel “ept.” We are meant to do it together.” As I thought about this, the face of that Mom and so many others came immediately to mind. I have no idea how they do it. Without Christ it has to be impossible.
The single Mom’s of the city who know the Lord are different. They are tired but not broken. They have a well of strength to draw from. “For your Maker is your husband– the LORD Almighty is his name– the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.” Isaiah 54:5 They understand that their earthly husband may be missing, but the God of all the earth comes in to lift them up and redeem.
How beautiful it is when we know that we have both the one here on earth and the one in our Spirit. That is the only way I make it through a day.
So as I step back to wag my finger at the “fault” of the Mom of this boy of others I have to stop and contemplate for a moment. What separates us? What makes her so… welll… hurting? The only difference is choice. When Christ knocked I opened the door. He pursued me and I heard his voice and turned. That is all. Life is that fragile. I was only one choice away from walking in her shoes or the shoes of so many others. That one choice is what rolls ultimately in to another and another that are the consequences of being alone. We weren’t ever meant to be that way.
He burst into tears because he knew he would be “punished” when he got home. Why? She has to be in control for she doesn’t know there is anyone out there to help her. Maybe she just doesn’t know that there really is a choice.
