Lately I have been really grappling with the following statement, “ I must decrease so that Christ might increase.” Put another way, “He must become greater so I must become less.” If I am totally honest I am not really certain what that means. You would think as a missionary I would have it all figured out. Instead I too often find that I am fighting an up hill battle about who I am versus what I have to do.
When John the Baptist uttered these same words to his disciples. John had been the only act in town and for 6 months basically, EVERYONE had come out to hear what he had to say. Yet, now the crowds had shifted and the people were listening to Jesus. John’s disciples were disgruntled. Who doesn’t like knowing that they are right in the middle of the action? But John knew. He knew that he was there to prepare the way for God. He tells them, in John 3, “I told you I was sent to prepare the way for God.” John was clear on his calling and his purpose. He was sent to come before the Messiah and let the world know that he was on his way. When God arrived, he had done his job. When he saw the Christ, he recognized him.
“For the one whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God gives the Spirit without limit. The Father loves the Son and has placed everything in his hands. Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on him.” John 3:34-36
In truth I think I can lean more towards being like John’s disciples than John. “What about us?” “Don’t you care John that the crowds have stopped coming?” And that is when John says, “It is time for people to look to God and not to me. I need to back off so that He can be the one that all eyes are upon.
That is really the question at the heart of the matter. Why do I do what I do? Am I looking for accolades or what I like to call “the warm fuzzy factor?” Is it that I hope all voices will cry out, “Look at her, she does something so great. She is someone to be reckoned with.”
Now if you have walked in my shoes for even a second then you would know that you do not do inner city ministry to FEEL good. The reality is that it is a lot of planting and watering and waiting for the harvest to come.
Yet, I have found that you can become so pious and self-righteous in even this. “I don’t do it for the rewards,” can seem so holy. In truth it is just another excuse to try and raise yourself up.
This wrestling match does not just exist for me in the “official” missions field, but in everything. Did I buy my friend a gift so that I can get one too? Did I not tell my non-believing friend about Jesus because I was afraid they would walk away? Did I push Christ down someone’s throat because I could walk away feeling better than them?
Recently someone made the statement to me in reference to working in the city, “You must love what you do.” I stood there like an idiot for nearly 30 seconds. “That is a hard question to answer,” I finally responded.
For the truth is I am in a constant state of testing not if I love it but why I love it. Do I love it because I am in this for Christ to see his kingdom glorified? OR Am I in it because I want to know I do and go places others are afraid of? Do I just want to feel like I am the “ultimate” Christian as a missionary?
In the end I must grapple with this question daily. I must remember like John that I am here just to prepare the way for Christ. My role in the city in life is to pave a road for Christ to grab a life. It can never be my job to “save” anyone. I can’t do it. That is why I will be working out what it means to really decrease for the rest of my earthly life.
