Water Torture

My husband John and I call it “Water Torture . ”  That is the form of torture that took place when the enemy tied you up and stuck you under a slow drip of water with no way to move .   At first it doesn’t seem as if things are “that bad . ” You can just lie there and deal with a little water right?  Nope after several hours of this you are ready to SCREAM . The sound of the dripping water, the anticipation of it dripping on you, the puddle that you are now lieing in makes you want to just die, literally . That is how the enemy breaks you .   Well, this is where this little band of missionaries finds themselves right now .   In the middle of water torture . I know that we are supposed to be strong . I know that we are supposed to go to the Lord in prayer and just believe . I know know that the stuff that is happening is not as bad as what others endure . SO what happens? You go on by yourself and you don’t ask for help .   What we have realized is that this is just plain old pride .   You start off very noble not wanting to share because well “it’s not that bad . ” The truth is when all the little things start to stack up, it becomes one big stinky pile .   We need to get a clue and ask for prayer more regularly . It needs to stop being when the spiral heads down that we reach out .   So please help us . Prayer is powerful . The body drawing together is powerful .   We need you . We admit it, lay down our pride we need some help .   If it can break in our household it has . My laptop died a hardened death a couple of weeks ago . This is a huge need to what I do for work . Even more disheartening I have been writing a book for a while now and had not backed it up recently . Therefore, I am starting over in some places . Both our house phone and both cell phones are broken . Both of our cars need fixing and we woke up this morning to a flat tire on one . The dryer is broken . John has been walking around with one of the arms of his glasses glued on for months and they need to be replaced .   My glasses need to be replaced . I have been having severe dental problems and am heading to the dentist next week . That has been a whole debacle on its own . I need a root canal and a cap replaced . John fell this weekend and seriously hurt his knee (Thankfully he is on the mend  :>) The DVD player broke on Saturday .  I have been sick on and off for months . Both of my parents have been very ill . My father attempted suicide last week. The ministry is financially unstable do to the times . Many of us are in this same position. I believe that we are under attack. Satan is attempting to render us broken and ineffective.  Ministries aroung the country are financially destitute. Marriages, finances, our kids are all under attack.  Enough!!  It has honeslty gotten to a point when something goes wrong that our response is, “Of course . . . ”  The list continues on and on . . .   Now are we the worse off? No .   Even as I write this I KNOW of situations that are worse. There has just been a lot of struggles as of late and we have felt the enemy sucking our joy .   We are clinging to the last piece of wood from the shipwreck . We are thankful for that piece . We are not drowning .   The Lord does take care of us- we just need some help . We need the body .   We need you . Please remember us in your prayers . It always helps everytime .

What We Do…

So you may be wondering exactly what this “Leadership Academy” at Urban Youth Impact does? The majority of our programming is based in this endeavor.  We created this video to help explain exactly what it is that we “do.”  However, there is so much that you can not fit into 3 minutes.  First of all we were not able to talk about how on Wednesdays we have “Arts Day,” where we run 2 choirs, arts classes and an African quilting class. Or the fact that every week we have a Biblically Based theme that everything in the week ties into. This way children understand that the Word should be written on their minds and in their hearts. The way that each group is broken down by grade so that their specific age related needs are being met. Then there is the involvement that we have with the parents. It is our responsibility to show them that we are not there to replace them, but to walk out this life with them…

However,  the hardest thing to convey in a short little pictorial montage is the heart behind what we do. We take the words of 1 Peter 4:10 &11 very seriously, “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.” All that we say and do is for the glory of Christ. This might be the uniforms we wear, the meetings we attend or the homework we help with.  The Bible Study portion of the day is the easy part. This is the time when it feels obvious that we are bringing the Gospel.   Yet, it is all the other moments of the day when we “show” Jesus. We live out James 2 :”What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.”  Homework, snacks these are the practical needs that help a child get through the day that back up what we say. We shine the light of Christ, bringing the Gospel as we walk out our faith.  Sometimes you just need to “SEE” the GOOD NEWS!!

Mostly though, we take what we do very seriously. Each staff person within our beloved “TLA” sees themselves as caretakers of the little band that the Lord has given them.  </div><div> </div>”Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers–not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.” 1 Peter 5:2-5  We love doing what we do, not because we have to, but because we want to.  The “money” is not the deciding factor behind the life of a missionary.  We do it because we have been loved first. When that love is full then all we can do is to give it away.  It spills out onto the lives around us. In this case it makes us “examples” to the children of the city… This is what transforms lives…

Faithful

For years the Lord has been tugging at my heart with the things that He would have me do for Him.  My faith and my works have come to walk hand in hand.  Yet, as each year as passed on my pride has become the block that has been chipped away at.  What I have learned is that what the Lord needs from me most is my faithfulness.  While it is so exciting to look to the future to have a “vision” of what is to come, mostly  I have found life is a process of taking the moment at hand,  and using it for the Lord completely.

 

Usually, I find, if I don’t “want” to do something in me, it is just where God wants me.  Am I willing, not just able, to take all that comes my way and do it for the Lord?

 

“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 4: 10 &11

 

The question I bring to the table, is do I really care in all that I do that Christ is praised?   Do I think that what I deem as “spiritual” is all that is important? Will I have the joy of the Lord as my strength, even in what I consider mundane?

 

This past week I was presented with two scenarios that in my own strength I had no desire to do.  One was “spiritual” and one “practical.”  The first involved picking up an inner city woman who is at the bottom AGAIN.  Most people I know have told me to give up on her. She did not fit in my schedule. Honestly, I kept hoping she would call me and cancel. She did not. I picked her up AGAIN and we went for coffee.  Yet, in her brokenness this became another time that I was able to share how Christ really longs for her whole heart.  She poured her life out to Christ.  If I had not been faithful to that situation, both of us would have missed out.  Later that same week I had to go speak to get volunteers as a local college. I thought we had been invited as part of a panel of many. This too did not fit into my schedule. I needed and wanted to be other places.  It’s not a big deal if I don’t go. I thought. We rarely get volunteers from the college anyway. However, I was pressed to go.  When I showed up it turned out that UYI was the ONLY organization invited that day. I was able to encourage 40 college students to pursue the mission’s field. I charged them to be fully devoted followers of Jesus.  This too would have been lost if I had not been faithful. In both of these the Lord was praised.

 

“Faithfulness is what I long for…it’s what you want from me…” as the song goes pouring ourselves out to the Lord. He longs for us to take each and every moment that He gives us and use it to the fullest.

 

Matthew chapter 25 illustrates 3 parables all with the same purpose.  One tells of bridesmaids who forgot to put oil in their lamps and therefore were not ready when the bridegroom arrived. One is the story of the “talents.” This is the story of servants who are entrusted with the care of the master’s money while he is away. The moral of the story is summed up in verse 29: “To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who are unfaithful, even what little they have will be taken away.”  Finally, there is the story of the “sheep and the goats.”  In this Jesus is blatant. He is speaking of how the Lord will treat us when we get to heaven and stand before His throne there will be His faithful followers the “sheep,” and then there will be the unfaithful, “goats.”  He cries out to both about their actions here on earth, both as the same question,” hen these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison, and visit you?’ To both groups he responds the same:  “And the King will tell them, ‘I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’  Ironically, the “righteous” didn’t even realize that they were doing anything for God. Why? They were just being faithful.

 

I believe that the Lord put these three together for a reason.  We are to be faithful,  in EVERYTHING.  That means the things we want to do and the things we don’t. It refers to those things we think we have time to do and the things we don’t.  Most importantly, I am reminded that the Lord sees all that I do as “spiritual.”  He is looking to be praised through a boring meeting, picking the kids up from school, and least of all actually “witnessing.” He expects my life to tell people about Him and if necessary to use words.

 

So as I go into today, the dreaded Monday, I am excited.  This is an opportunity to be faithful.  I know that as His name is praised I can only gain the blessings!

Confessions…

Sometimes, when you are in any form of youth ministry, we just know that we know that we have been hanging out with kids way too much. The truth of the matter is that I can’t even blame my own children in this point.  There are just certain ways that you want to connect when you work with kids of any kind. The point is to build relationships and so you learn the “discussion starters.”

As a point anything from the Disney channel seems to transcend time and space. They are able to overcome barriers of economy, race and up bringing.  I can start conversations about,”Hannah Montana,” “Camp Rock,” “The Cheetah Girls,”  or “High School Musical,” with pretty much any child under the age of 16, especially the girls. I watch the back packs of every popular show traipse through the halls of our after school program. Come on let’s admit it, the “Jonas Brothers” are just too catchy.

One of the main areas that we work on with the students is that of issues of the heart. We know that we are told in Samuel that man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.  “Out of the heart the mouth speaks.”   It follows then that we spend time looking at the lyrics of the popular songs that they are listening to. While “Fity” “Lil’ Wayne” and “Chris Brown,” may not always be the most “positive” influences many time the Disney tunes are just “bubble gum.” They can be seen as just little love songs about friendship and love that make us feel a little better.  The reality is that while I would love it if the students would meditate only on God’s Word, we have to help them to navigate that what  they are putting in their ears, effects what they think on and therefore effects the state of their heart.

So I began to really think on some of these Disney tunes. I have found that I am able to allow the Lord to work on my heart even in the midst of tween pop.  “Gotta Find You,” by Joe Jonas makes me think about the world looking for Christ every time I hear it. “You’re the missing piece I need, the song inside of me. I gotta find you,”  Joe croones. Now I realize that in the movie this is a song for and about a girl. However, I would argue that the voice inside our heads that we are looking for is Jesus.  

Then there is the phenom that we call “High School Musical.”  I can guarantee I will have many young girls asking if they can hang with me on the weekend it opens.  “You are the Music in Me, ” is a favorite. My own children love it when my hubby and I joke around and sing it as a duet. But, really who is in the music in me?  Yep, that’s right Jesus.  “Like I knew you before we met, I can’t explain it.” Why? because I am my Creator’s created. I know that “we belong,” my Savior and I.

Now before you think I am a total fruit cake, I have a contention to make. We want to let the children of our youth groups, and especially those of  the city know that there is a God whose love is so wide and high that it will search them out to the ends of the earth.  I am not advocating crossing the line and just using “taking music back for the Gospel” as an excuse to fill our heads with junk. No while we want to understand the culture of the kids we are ministering to, we are called in James to “keep ourselves from being corrupted by the world.” However, I also believe that we are called to be wise and creative in how we bring hope into a dying world.  In always getting to the heart of the matter Jesus himself used stories to get the point out.

If Disney is everywhere, why can’t we just take this little piece back?  As you talk about these movies and popular muscians why can’t we ask the probing question, “Have you ever thought about who that is that IS the music in you?”  Think about it for a moment. Use every converstaion as one to bring life and hope taht is our Lord.  But, no this does not give you the excuse to watch them in 3D.

In whose strength???

Sometimes the weight of the world that we see can become the very thing that cuts into our soul.  One of our mentors had noticed that one of the 12-year-old children who attend our programs had scars all over his arms. They looked as if someone had lashed him at some point in the past.  These wounds were not new, but old hardened scars. The mentor being moved to compassion asked him about them. Very nonchalantly the boy answered, “Oh- those happened when I used to live in Haiti.”

 

The next day the mentor continued to be moved by the sight of the old wounds.  What were these? Although they were far from fresh the mentor filled out an incident report. Family services is called. Was the child cutting themselves? Were they abused here? What exactly happened in Haiti?  What makes a child just  shrug off scars that go up and down an arm?

 

For us the heaviness sets in. Why do we have to witness scenarios such as this over and again.  Feeling helpless the mentor turned to me at the end of the day and asked, “How have you done this for so long?”  I knew that he was asking about my length as a missionary to the inner city. “Jesus.”  I answered.  “He called me here,  so I stay until He tells me to go.”

 

 

“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.  If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 4:10-12

 

It is all about administering God’s grace. It is about giving this away. We can get bogged down in the evilness of the world, or we can step up and be the hands and feet of God that He asks us to be. 

 

In the first two weeks of programs another one of our mentors has been pro active and contacted each of the parents of the children in his group of 12. Over and again the response has been the same.  “You care?  Can you help me?”  For some it is as simple as asking that we might come along side and make sure that homework is done at the end of the day. Yet, for most it is becoming, “Will you spend time with me. Will you help me show my child the right way?’  I am overwhelmed by parents who are as weighed down by the heaviness as we are.  When we offer service in the strength of Christ then we will begin to really see a changed life… I believe it is a way of asking for help on so many levels. 

 

It has to faithfully doing what the Lord asks us to do.  A 13 year old young woman told me last week that there has not been one generation of  women in her family who has been married when they had children. They have all been single Moms and mostly teen Moms. Her Mom has asked her to break the cycle. Neither Mom or daughter can  accomplish this  on their own. They will need Christ to give them power.

 

Jesus has put me here all of these years to remember that I am not doing it for me. I am not to get sucked into the despair. I am to be faithful in what He has asked me to do.  It is so that Christ can be praised. When the city is transformed He will be the one to get the glory….We can get bogged down, or we can be reminded that it can never be our strength that we walk in…

Fears…

As I sat and listened to the answers of what made these students afraid I was so sad. Once again to hear children tell  their deepest fears are friends being shot, that they will contract AIDS or  won’t  grow into something more than a child of the “ghetto” just hurts.

 

Just a couple of days ago I had a conversation with a third grader who so rarely sees her father that when she does it is an occasion that warrants celebration of  “Disney World” proportions.  She just could not understand why my own children did not rejoice more after having been away from their Dad for a couple of days. Why weren’t we throwing a party or at least going out to eat? She could not comprehend that their father is such  a normal every day part of their life that just getting to be with him again and have him home was enough.

 

 

Then there was the child who left her classroom screaming last week because someone had asked her where her Mom was.  They didn’t know Mom is so sick no one knows if she will die.  I found out that Shamora (the little girl who lived with us) and her Mom are homeless again. They are with a friend until the end of the week, but then will have to move into a shelter. All the shelters in the area that keep families together are full.

 

 I see daily children who make fun of each other because they “stink”  This is only to hide the truth of their own hurts.  There are children among us who have no running water. They sleep on the floor or have never had a bed of their own. They live off of snacks that cost them less than a quarter.  If they can point their fingers at each other though they won’t have to deal with the pain inside.

 

The darkness can be crushing some days.  However, I believe that the truth that ties each situation is not a fear of failure, but of success.  As Marianne Williamson wrote in a qoote made famous by Neslon Mandela and the movie “Coach Carter:”

 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

 

Or as the Bible more eloquently states:

 

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:16-20

 

What would this generation be if they grasped the true power that is with in them?  Playing small doesn’t serve the world any purpose.  But it is not in their own power that they can rise up. Having to take pictures of each child yesterday for our records the older they were the harder it was to get them to smile. They had to look “cool.”  Which really means tough. But, as you speak life and tell them how beautiful they really are sometimes we can get the world to melt away. I love to watch the smooth skin wrinkle into those familiar laugh lines.

 

There is no inspiring speech out there that will make them shine.  There is no amount of power within their own strength that can change anything. Yet, what if they allowed Christ in to really manifest HIS glory in their lives. Then is would be more they can think or imagine. My spirit soars at the mere thought of  How Christ within each of them, us would transform a dieing world.

 

One day I pray they are ready for something so grand. For it is really meant for us all. This love of Christ will transform them. Then they will have a light to shine.  They have no clue that they are the one’s to storm the darkness with pure light.. Through our Savior we have been given the right to be called children of God.  Does any of us have any clue what that really means?

Hardened?

The moment he saw her he burst into tears.  I had met her at the door and explained why we had to call.  He was out of control. Kicking, screaming, hitting, destroying things around him. Then he would just shut down and become unresponsive.  This little 5 year old soul was in turmoil. We had to bring in Mom.

 

Immediately, I recognized the familiar exhaustion around the eyes.  The single Moms in the city carry this exhaustion differently. The ones who live alone with out the Lord appear worn, defeated, or even hardened.  It is their job to take care of their children and they are doing it by themselves.  Living without a spiritual and earthly husband their strength is spent.

 

This Mom had built many walls of protection over the years. “You didn’t baby him did you?”  was her first question.  “We have a certain procedure we follow in discipline,” was what I was saying out loud but in my heart I was thinking, “He’s 5.”   “What have you done now?”  were the first words she expressed as she saw him.  “Boys don’t cry. Stop crying,” followed soon behind.  She needed him to be strong. He had to carry his own load, for she just didn’t have the energy. There were too many other burdens for her to bear.  Other siblings, bills, food  on the table these are all the worries that crossed this young Mom’s brow.

 

Moments such as these are the ones where it is easy to judge.  I am not talking about following through on consequences to this young man’s actions.  He had hurt others in the classroom and he needed to go home.  However, as you witness certain patterns in children of the city we can judge.   We observe  things that hurt our hearts. There are children who horde food in the same fashion as orphans. Clothes can be dirty or clean and overly worn. Then there is the anger. So much anger in so many so young.  It is all the fault of the Mom who can’t do it all and the Dad who probably is no where to be found right?  Then when you meet  Mom it can be even more clear.  They can appear hard, lost and out of control.

 

However, the truth is that none of us are meant to do anything alone.  We are meant to let God do it through us. Zechariah proclaims, “Not by might, not by power, but by my spirit says the Lord!”  When we try to walk away and walk out of this reality we crumble.

 

The Lord set it up that we are meant to have an earthly partner with which we are “one flesh” with to raise our children.  It is so important  to  Him that he proclaimed it in the Old Testament (Genesis),  Christ himself said these words when he was alive, and then Paul wrote it to the Ephesians after Christ’s death. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

 

My husband has been away this week and I have not been able to keep it together.  My house looks like a bomb went off.  Laundry has piled up, I forgot to get the garbage out on garbage day.  We have squeaked into school barley on time every day.  I am not even sure if my children’s socks match.  I declared to him this morning, “When you are away I feel so inept.” He quipped back, “When we are apart we aren’t supposed to feel “ept.”  We are meant to do it together.”   As I thought about  this,  the face of that Mom and so many others came immediately to mind.  I have no idea how they do it.  Without Christ it has to be impossible.

 

The  single Mom’s of the city who know the Lord are different. They are tired but not broken.  They have a well of strength to draw from. “For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name– the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.” Isaiah 54:5  They understand that their earthly husband may be missing, but the God of all the earth comes in to lift them up and redeem.

 

How beautiful it is when we know that we have both the one here on earth and the one in our Spirit.  That is the only way I make it through a day. 

 

So as I step back to wag my finger at the “fault” of  the Mom of this boy of others I have to stop and contemplate for a moment. What separates us?   What makes her so… welll… hurting?   The only difference is  choice.  When Christ knocked I opened the door. He pursued me and I heard his voice and turned.  That is all.  Life is that fragile.  I was only one choice away from walking in her shoes or the shoes of so many others. That one choice is what rolls ultimately in to another and another that are the consequences of being alone.  We weren’t ever meant to be that way.

 

He burst into tears because he knew he would be “punished” when he got home.  Why? She has to be in control for she doesn’t know there is anyone out there to help her. Maybe she just doesn’t  know that there really is a choice.

Changed!

Crouching down I wanted to make eye contact. “I need to tell you a secret.” I got very close to this child’s ear.  “Are you ready?” I asked with a twinkle in my eye.  “Do you want to know?”  The child was  a little uncertain.  “You are a leader. God has a special plan for you.”  I stepped back and nodded knowingly.  I stood up, and turned to walk away. Immediately, the light dawned on her face. The truth of what I had spoken began to sink in.  Her face melted into a huge grin.  She was glowing.  Nodding slowly, she hesitantly agreed with me.  Turning back I leaned in once more. “It’s true you are truly amazing.”  Glowing, she returned to her activity.

 

As I have  gone through this week I have had at least a dozen such conversations with children ranging in ages from 6 to 15. EVERY SINGLE TIME the reaction is the same. Every time a furrowed brow has relaxed. Every time the smile that over takes their faces is as the rising of the sun.

 

Why?  It is simple.  The truth sets you free.  God has created each of us with a purpose and a plane, one filled with a hope and a future, not to harm us but to prosper us (Jer. 29:11).  Transcending all barriers it is a truth that is offered to all.  No matter where you come from or what you look like.  God calls us leaders.  He sees us as we really are. He knows us. He has always known. We can’t shake him or the reality that He is in pursuit of each of us. (Psalm 139)  However, there are some of us who just don’t know.

 

Over and again this week, I have been able to share my secret with many who don’t know.  They are not merely loved.  They are cherished.  Because they were created to be loved.

 

“A glad heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the spirit.

A wise person is hungry for truth, while the fool feeds on trash.

For the poor, every day brings trouble; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast.” Proverbs 15:13-15

 

Poverty is not merely a state of economics.  Sometimes it is a place. Sometimes we don’t know that there is a choice to be made.  Sometimes it is an issue of the heart.

When this happens we can not change our own heart. We need a miracle. That can only come through Christ. We need life.

 

“Crushed,” creates the picture of someone or something that can’t be put back together or transformed.  The spirit is sucked dry when the heart is broken.  I would contend that every child, that I meet in the city, no matter their age is hungering for the truth at the depths of their being.  They have  come believe, however,  that there is only trash. So this has become their supper. This is the reason why every day seems to fall apart at the seams. Yet, truth makes the heart glad.  Over and again I have seen it.   When the heart is full of truth, the love of Christ,  the face shines.  Our hands must extend with this hope to all around us.

 

That is what  I offer as I walk the halls of Urban Youth Impact. Hope. Truth. Love. Life.  Offered through the power of our Lord. There is transformation in His words spoken out. “You are special.” “You are smart.” “You are loved.” They may seem so trite. Yet,  these statements are a cool welcomed rain,  that softens once hardened hearts.. Once dull stares, carry a gleam in the eye.  Seeds are being planted.  I am thrilled to watch them grow.

Transformation

After months of preparation yesterday was finally day one.  The living  outpouring of the power of relationship.  Changing all of our programming at Urban Youth Impact to reflect that it is touch that transforms lives.  We call it the Leadership Academy.

 

We have researched curriculum. The Lord has sent us the best staff. We have scheduled many things in the course of a day. There is homework time, Bible study, life skills, play, academic boosts, devotionals, and leadership training in the course of a day. However, these are all simple catalysts. 

 

The truth is that we have become secret service agents for Christ.  All the structure in the course of a day is simply so that we might have time.  As a good friend of mine often quotes, “Children spell love TIME.”   

 

Standing back and looking at all we did as a ministry we had to ask. “How many lives  of the families that we are with are not just moved, but  truly transformed?”   Those that were radically different were all because someone had taken the time to pour love out on them. These are those who by witnessing a stalwart love have gone on not to merely “accept” Christ but live radical lives for him. Some of these friends now serve along side me in this new endeavor.

 

If lives were different when relationships were deep then this needed to be the way we approached all that we did here. If we were going to build deeper relationships then this meant that we needed a renovation.  So we did something totally radical.  We made a choice.

 

Oh, we would still have outreaches and touch the community around us.  There would still be evangelical efforts.  However, what we chose to do is take 120 children and  give our lives to them and their families, every day. That is exactly what we have done.

 

Why you might ask?  There is nothing less than a community made whole again that is our focus.  A community is made up of individuals. These individuals are  the next  great generation of leaders. They just have never taken this to heart.

 

It is not they have not been told. They have not been shown.  The word can not merely be in their heads, they must  believe it with their whole hearts. So then it is our job to show them. Even a diamond to the untrained eye looks just like a lump of coal.

 

For “Anyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? . “ Romans 10: 13&14

 

Yesterday, Christ’s hands and feet were everywhere. His love was radiating. One  of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen.  Now these lumps of coal just need to believe that they are the most sought after gems on earth. By the end of the year, they will know.

I must decrease?

Lately I have been really grappling with the following statement, “ I must decrease so that Christ might increase.” Put another way, “He must become greater so I must become less.”  If I am totally honest I am not really certain what that means. You would think as a missionary I would have it all figured out. Instead I too often find that  I am fighting an up hill battle about who I am versus what I have to do.

 

When John the Baptist uttered these same words to his disciples.   John had been the only act in town and for 6 months basically, EVERYONE had come out to hear what he had to say. Yet, now the crowds had shifted and the people were listening to Jesus. John’s disciples were disgruntled. Who doesn’t like knowing that they are right in the middle of the action?  But John knew. He knew that he was there to prepare the way for God. He tells them, in John 3, “I told you I was sent to prepare the way for God.”   John was clear on his calling and his purpose. He was sent to come before the Messiah and let the world know that he was on his way. When God arrived, he had done his job. When he saw the Christ, he recognized him.

 

“For the one whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God gives the Spirit without limit. The Father loves the Son and has placed everything in his hands. Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on him.” John 3:34-36

 

In truth I think I can lean more towards being like John’s disciples than John. “What about us?”  “Don’t you care John that the crowds have stopped coming?”   And that is when John says, “It is time for people to look to God and not to me. I need to back off so that He can be the one that all eyes are upon.

 

That is really the question at the heart of the matter.  Why do I do what I do?  Am I looking for accolades or what I like to call “the warm fuzzy factor?”  Is it that I hope all voices will cry out, “Look at her, she does something so great. She is someone to be reckoned with.”

 

Now if you have walked in my shoes for even a second then you would know that you do not do inner city ministry to FEEL good.  The reality is that it is a lot of planting and watering and waiting for the harvest to come.

 

Yet, I have found that you can become so pious and self-righteous in even this. “I don’t do it for the rewards,” can seem so holy. In truth it is just another excuse to try and raise yourself up.

 

This wrestling match does not just exist for me in the “official” missions field, but in everything.  Did I buy my friend a gift so that I can get one too?  Did I not tell my non-believing friend about Jesus because I was afraid they would walk away? Did I push Christ down someone’s throat because I could walk away feeling better than them?

 

Recently someone made the statement to me in reference to working in the city, “You must love what you do.”  I stood there like an idiot for nearly 30 seconds.  “That is a hard question to answer,” I finally responded.

 

For the truth is I am in a constant state of testing not if I love it but why I love it.  Do I love it because I am in this for Christ to see his kingdom glorified?  OR Am I in it because I want to know I do and go places others are afraid of? Do I just want to feel like I am the “ultimate” Christian as a missionary?

 

In the end I must grapple with this question daily.  I must remember like John that I am here just to prepare the way for Christ.  My role in the city in life is to pave a road for Christ to grab a life. It can never be my job to “save” anyone.  I can’t do it. That is why I will be working out what it means to really decrease for the rest of my earthly life.